Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
