Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
