It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
