In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm passing your future prison.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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