I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
