He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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