I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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