Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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