Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Buhtt sex?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
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Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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