You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize