...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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