My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
