I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
