His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
