census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
