Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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