We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
