Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I am spending my child support on dildos
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize