So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Hippo gnu deer
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
