i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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