This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i love accidental penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize