Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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