well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
