she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
