im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
