Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
