I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
