We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
