why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
