True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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