so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
