I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
