Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
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We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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