Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
