I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
