A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
