Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
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hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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