I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
