im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
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I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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