Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
