I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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