I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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