Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize