Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
