We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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