What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
