I puked a lego.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
