i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
