You're my little dorito
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
