i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm like, not good at living.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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