Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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