Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
