she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
