I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
