Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
