Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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