You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Green mimosas i think yes
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
