So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
