My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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