Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
