he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
