He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
